Fragility and strength

I'm home today with viral pink eye. I'm home today cleaning, organizing, working out. I'm home today as if everything is normal. But it's not.

My Mom is very sick. And I am beside myself with worry. I never really understood that saying until now. But I am quite literally having an out of body experience. I, the physical body, am carrying on as normal. I'm doing my laundry, taking my showers, answering emails, and living. But I, the emotional, and spiritual body- I'm a wreck. I'm sitting beside my physical self weeping and worrying. I have never felt this duality before, and I hope never again. I suppose it's a coping mechanism. And for now, it's working. Because no matter what, life freaking goes on. It seems cruel. Don't these people know our pain?? Why don't they stay home and hug their kids? Why isn't the world stopping so that we may all wear pajamas and eat cookies from the bag, and say I love you even when it is those very words that leave you open and vulnerable to hurt.

Why? Why to it all...

Beyond all of my questions, I know this to be true: I love you Mom. And there's no way you're going anywhere until you see me walk down the aisle. Until you kiss my newborn babies.

Until I'm damn good and ready to let you go. And that? Well that will be never.