To protect and serve, and ignore crazy women

It has to be here somewhere.

Digging through my purse at the red light I pull out five chapsticks, a wrinkled dollar bill and helloooo fun size Hershey bar!

Ugh! Where is it? Damn. Green light.

Purse in lap. Cell phone ringing. Searching for hole in purse liner where rogue items may have fallen.

And now I am in a full on conversation with myself about organization. I need a list to keep track of all my lists. If I could just stop the car and really look. But all the lights are green. The one freakin' day all the lights are green. Remove lip gloss, neosporin, fortune from a cookie, tampon, eyedrops, mini-scissors, wallet...

I could live in my purse. Where is it? Red light!! Now I can get down to business.

Pen, q-tips, luna bar, penny, cell phone charger...

SUDDEN SCREECHING OF POLICE SIREN.

I look out my window. The police cruiser is awfully close. And his lights are on. And he's looking at me. Gesturing to roll down my window.

"Ma'am"
"Yes Officer?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yes Officer."
"Well you were swerving and then it seemed like maybe you were upset. Yelling at someone."
"Oh, no everything is fine officer."
..still searching in purse.....
"Well maybe you should pay more attention to the road."
"Yes, of course. I'm sorry. I was just uh..looking for something in my purse. Not liquor or anything!"
"Uh-huh. Well I don't think there's anything in that purse worth getting into an accident over, is there?
TRIUMPHANTLY I SMILE AND HOLD IT UP
"What...what is that?"
"MIDOL!"