When in Russia

Walking in, the three Russians conjured up dusky images in my mind...

Cut to a dimly lit room. Frosted windowpanes, the faint hum of a space heater trying desperately to love the cold warm. Fierce wind sidles along the outer walls, rippling paint, blowing snow. Over an ancient table, three men huddle counting stacks of sticky money. Lacy smoke curls to the ceiling, settles there. They speak quickly, in short bursts. Slight confusion over terms. It's settled, slaps on the back. The tall man pours a round. Laughter slithers through the cracks in the wall out into the big Russian night...

And back to reality. Three Russians walk into the car dealership. It's going to be a cash transaction. Normally when we say cash, we get a certified check. They mean business though. They have brought thick envelopes full of acrid smelling money.

The car needs to be shipped to Russia on Friday.Can we rush it?

Yes. For $15,000 in cash, I will dance a jig and eat a live toad.

Outside now we go over the car in fine detail. Each tiny scratch is analyzed, the engine is revved. Heat shimmers up from the pavement. Their language swirls around me, a maze of words I can't hope to understand.

Finally, the nod. "Yes." In stilted English the translator and I exchange information. They confer rapidly. Quickfire. I hear my name. Then they stare.

"Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

And they stare. Hot bolts of lightning run up my spine as they offer me money in exchange for my services.

"That isn't how I do things."
"This is how it's done in our country."
"Well now you've met me, and that's not how I do things. I think our business is done here."
Russian. It's all I can hear. I'm surrounded as they all speak at once, gesturing wildly with their hands.

They confer, nod, reach out to shake my hand and head inside. Dumbfounded, I follow. Once inside we finish the transaction quickly. Money is counted, papers signed, another round of handshakes, and they're gone.

My boss asks me how much they offered me to go with them.

" Three thousand dollars, " I say.
"Is THAT ALL? They offered me four."