I wonder if the Tooth Fairy wants to grab a nightcap

I can't remember the last sleepless night I had. But here I am, delirious at 2am on an early Friday morning. I can't force my mind to settle, and rest.

I had that dream again. The one where I'm in a very tall building. And I know the bad people are there. And I head for the stairs. But there he is. Some bad imitation of a mobster. He's strolling. I'm running for my life. And he tells me that if I run I'll just get a pedicure. And you know what he means by pedicure? He'll break my legs. (I don't know, crazy dream lingo) But I know I can't stay. So I fly down those stairs and my heart pounds and I can smell it, and see it, and feel a cold railing beneath my fingers. And on each landing is another guy. Another threat. They are so cold, so calm. What did I ever do to them? That they would want to kill me? And I run for my life.

I always reach the 2nd floor. Never the lobby. And there's a young kid, with blond hair and a cheap, gray suit (I dream in mega-watt, dolby digital detail). And he looks almost apologetic like, "Hey I'm sorry about this whole wanting to kill you thing, but I've got this boss and he's pretty insistent that you die. So..."
And I run past him and he lets me. But I can't find my way off the second floor.

And I wake up. A sheen of sweat. I throw off my covers and let my heartbeat return to normal, and wonder for the millionth time why my Mom hasn't come in to my room to protect me. The bad guys were there. I needed backup. But I'm 26 now. I'm way past the years of Mom fending off dream evil with sleepy reassurances, and a backrub. And well, that's just no good to me.

Life is ever changing. A snake shedding its skin. We must grow or die. Well, not a real death, but a soul death. We must change, or we'll never learn. And I so want to learn. And here I am at 2am getting all philosophical in a mostly dark room, with Otis Redding singing to me about a little tenderness. Isn't that what we all really need? Someone with a soft heart, and gentle hands to tell us, it's all going to be ok.

Morning is coming. I can't stop it anymore than I can stop the years passing, and the hearts breaking, and the dreams shattering, and the love growing, and the Earth spinning. We have so much power, and yet so little. And I think I'm ok with controlling what I can for now. For seeing the forest for the trees or whatever the hell that means. I guess I'm ok with a little growing pain now, for the beautiful future that lay ahead.

So I'll sit in my sweet, silent space. I'll click on these keys, and I'll think about all that I have, and how little others have. I'll remember that true struggles are not having enough to eat, and abused mothers fleeing with children to make a better life, and war, and all those horrible things we'd rather not deal with.

But I will deal. And I will thrive. And maybe one day I'll make it to the lobby of that tall building. And to the revolving door. And then....well....who knows what lay on the other side. But I'd like to find out.