Another Wednesday. Another rainy day. I'm hard at work on my ark. Want a ride? There are giraffe, antelope, dogs, anteaters, elephants, those cute little hedgehogs...but no spiders. Sorry. The new world will be spider-less. It's my ark, I make the rules. Hop on. Happy hour is all day long.
I woke up this morning after a fitful night of sleep, kissed cute bf goodbye wishing him a safe drive and good day. He's in training for his new job. And let me just say there is something really attractive about a man in a suit carrying a gun. It combines the good guy and bad boy images into one neat little package. His job is to protect. And I feel very safe having him in my life.
I worked out. I really worked out. I could feel my muscles stretching and strengthening, the tendons groaning and fibers working. I'm finally settled in to the new house, the new routine and it's good to get back into my routine. There's comfort in the familiar.
After the workout I decided to make an omelet. Fresh mushrooms, onions, eggs and cheese. As I was sauteing the mushrooms (and brewing obscenely strong coffee) the fire alarm suddenly went off.
Loud beeps sounded as I rushed to grab a pillow off the couch. And then a soothing voice, "There is a fire. Please exit the house. There is a fire. Please exit the house. There is a...."
And no, it wasn't the voice of God. Or maybe it was. They say God is all around us. It was the lady trapped in the smoke detector, pleasantly warning me of impeding doom as I frantically waved a pillow under the smoke detector and turned on the stove top fan.
"There is a fire. Please exit the house."
"NO THERE ISN'T. THERE IS NO FIRE!"
"There is a fire. Please exit the house."
"IT'S JUST A MISUNDERSTANING. I'M SORRY!"
"There is a fire. Please exit the house."
"Oh just shut up already. I'm just making an omelet. There wasn't even smoke!"
"There is a fire. Please exit the house."
"YOU BITCH!"
And then silence.
5 comments:
I hate spiders and fire alarms but love omelets. :)
Our fire alarm was set off by a gas fitter the other week who had come to fix a leak in our boiler. He was using a blow torch I think to weld some pipe or other, it is right above where I sit in the lounge and nearly gave me my second heart attack!
Luckily it doesn't speak or I might have been tempted to bash it one with a brush handle.
Will it put you off making omelettes in the future?
Erin - I feel exactly the same! I don't see what good spiders are. I know the whole food chain thing...but whatever
Technogran- (GREAT name!) Blow torch= scary to me. Glad you didn't have that heart attck! And I contemplated hitting her, but then I'd just have to buy her flowers or something. And I will continue to make omelettes (just to piss her off)
Y'all can send your spiders to me. I mostly love 'em.
I also love the image of the calm little nut-job lady trapped in the smoke detector. I used to have a car with a woman's voice who would say, "Car door is ajar," or "Lights are on," and it was very pleasant. I named her Elinor.
I hate spiders...we had a brown recluse somewhere in our yard last year, and my stupid cat, of course, got bitten, and it nearly cost him his paw. Lots of vet visits, drugs, gross bandage changes, and money later, and we were able to save his paw, but it did eat away one of his toes!!! Ms. Moon you can so have my spiders!!!
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