So after my rant yesterday, I think God wanted a rebuttal...
I had a customer come in with her 6 year old daughter. We spent a few hours together. At one point during our test drive this conversation took place:
Mom: Baby, do you like this car?
Daughter: Yeah, but Momma why can't you get a car like Auntie?
Mom: I like this one sweetie.
Daughter: You should get the one like Grandma has
(at this point we pulled back onto the lot and got out of the car. The Mom opened the back door and knelt down to get on eye level with her daughter)
Mom: Do you remember what I told you about being an individual?
Daughter: Yes Mom
Mom: I want you to be yourself, because there is no one else like you in this world. Don't try to be like other people. Do you understand what that means?
Daughter: But Mom, I know those cars are cool. They cost a lot of money.
Mom: *laughs* Baby, it's not about how much money you spend, or what people think of you. You have to do what feels right to you... what makes you happy. Like when you pick out your own clothes. You like doing that don't you?
Daughter: Yes.. because I like picking out what I want to wear that day
Mom: Exactly. I am so proud of you when you make your own decisions. And that's what Mom is doing. I'm buying the car that I want. Because I don't care what other people think and you shouldn't either.
Daughter: Oh Mom, I'm PROUD OF YOU TOO!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Rant
I love them. Squeezable. Lovable. Chubby cheeked. Fresh smelling. Snuggly- BABIES.
Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about children. I think they are blessings. They are innocent, honest and loving. They are waiting for our approval. They are willing to learn new things, go on adventures and we are their example of how they should behave.
So I think it's understandable that I get mad... no... not just mad...ANGRY... when I see parents talk down to their children, hit their children, and generally be terrible examples to their children. These are the same parents that wonder why their kids act out, misbehave, lie, throw tantrums and run rampant in the world. To me, it's simple. It's a direct correlation to what they observed.
Now, I understand that some children are more difficult than others (I am a fine example of this). But parents are a HUGE moral compass for their kids and so many of them throw their children completely off course.
On the same note: when children grow up, (mid 20's and on) there comes a time when you have to STOP blaming Mom & Dad, Society, etc and take responsibility for yourself. I'm sorry your Mom didn't love you enough or that your Father abandoned you. I'm sorry your first boyfriend hurt you or you faced some sort of discrimination. It sucks. I know. It's not fair. Now, let's move on.
You're an adult now. It's time to face your life and to accept that it is yours to make something of. You cannot blame other people all the time- it simply won't do. And I don't have the time or patience to deal with you anymore. Everyone had/has sucky things happen to them. Everyone is trying to navigate their way around the mountains of problems that life provides.
Let's all wake up, stand up, dust ourselves off and decide that today is the day we're going to make a change. We're not going to let the past stand in our way. We're going to stop blaming everyone else for our problems.
Otherwise I'm going to smack you in the head and kick your kneecaps in.
(this message was brought to you by someone who is tired of lazy, irresponsible, whiny, adults who use their past as a crutch instead of a catalyst)
Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about children. I think they are blessings. They are innocent, honest and loving. They are waiting for our approval. They are willing to learn new things, go on adventures and we are their example of how they should behave.
So I think it's understandable that I get mad... no... not just mad...ANGRY... when I see parents talk down to their children, hit their children, and generally be terrible examples to their children. These are the same parents that wonder why their kids act out, misbehave, lie, throw tantrums and run rampant in the world. To me, it's simple. It's a direct correlation to what they observed.
Now, I understand that some children are more difficult than others (I am a fine example of this). But parents are a HUGE moral compass for their kids and so many of them throw their children completely off course.
On the same note: when children grow up, (mid 20's and on) there comes a time when you have to STOP blaming Mom & Dad, Society, etc and take responsibility for yourself. I'm sorry your Mom didn't love you enough or that your Father abandoned you. I'm sorry your first boyfriend hurt you or you faced some sort of discrimination. It sucks. I know. It's not fair. Now, let's move on.
You're an adult now. It's time to face your life and to accept that it is yours to make something of. You cannot blame other people all the time- it simply won't do. And I don't have the time or patience to deal with you anymore. Everyone had/has sucky things happen to them. Everyone is trying to navigate their way around the mountains of problems that life provides.
Let's all wake up, stand up, dust ourselves off and decide that today is the day we're going to make a change. We're not going to let the past stand in our way. We're going to stop blaming everyone else for our problems.
Otherwise I'm going to smack you in the head and kick your kneecaps in.
(this message was brought to you by someone who is tired of lazy, irresponsible, whiny, adults who use their past as a crutch instead of a catalyst)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Ode to an Idiot
I work in an older building that my company is in the process of remodeling. And by "in the process of" I mean that five months ago they took some measurements and said they'd be back.
I miss them.
I sit by a large window, which, in a normal office would be lovely. But this is a magical window.
When it rains, my window leaks and creates what I refer to as "Lake Tiffany". Complete with swans and its own rainbow.
Last week, the repairman came by to check out said leak (because the pictures I sent him via email of the wall of mold didn't convince him). The previous day I had set a box of marketing materials on the ground by my desk. When I came in the next day they were soaked and half of the box was ruined.
Here is the conversation that followed my discovery:
Tiff: The window has been leaking again- it's pretty bad now. It ruined my marketing materials.
Repairman: Well you shouldn't have put them beneath the window.
Tiff: *dumb stare*
Tiff: Well, more imporatantly, maybe the window shouldn't leak? I'm just saying.
Repairman: THE WINDOW HAS LEAKED FOR TWO YEARS!
Tiff: So that's your best defense? Since the window has leaked for two years, I should just accept it and move on?
Repairman: Well I mean, we're trying to fix it.
Tiff: Yeah. Well be sure to tell my Mold family goodbye before you leave. I need go get my snorkel.
Repairman: *slams hammer down on windowsill*
Tiff: *mutters* Great, at least it will leak MORE now.
I miss them.
I sit by a large window, which, in a normal office would be lovely. But this is a magical window.
When it rains, my window leaks and creates what I refer to as "Lake Tiffany". Complete with swans and its own rainbow.
Last week, the repairman came by to check out said leak (because the pictures I sent him via email of the wall of mold didn't convince him). The previous day I had set a box of marketing materials on the ground by my desk. When I came in the next day they were soaked and half of the box was ruined.
Here is the conversation that followed my discovery:
Tiff: The window has been leaking again- it's pretty bad now. It ruined my marketing materials.
Repairman: Well you shouldn't have put them beneath the window.
Tiff: *dumb stare*
Tiff: Well, more imporatantly, maybe the window shouldn't leak? I'm just saying.
Repairman: THE WINDOW HAS LEAKED FOR TWO YEARS!
Tiff: So that's your best defense? Since the window has leaked for two years, I should just accept it and move on?
Repairman: Well I mean, we're trying to fix it.
Tiff: Yeah. Well be sure to tell my Mold family goodbye before you leave. I need go get my snorkel.
Repairman: *slams hammer down on windowsill*
Tiff: *mutters* Great, at least it will leak MORE now.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The Power of Positive Thinking
The Law of Attraction In Action, by Steve Dorfman
Shannon’s Great Aunt Florence, when she was living, had the ability to sense when a woman was pregnant. Aunt Florence could also sense the sex of the child with 100% accuracy. When Shannon was pregnant with her fourth child, she thought to herself one day, “I wish Aunt Florence was here to tell me if number four was to be a boy or a girl.” That very day, while shopping at Target, a man approached Shannon and asked if she wouldn’t mind him telling her the sex of her child. He, too, had that unique ability and did not know Shannon before that moment.
When I was asked to write about The Law of Attraction yesterday, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be neat if someone shared a story with me that I could include in this article? A story that could illustrate The Law of Attraction…in action.” This morning, family surrounded me in the hospital waiting room as we awaited the arrival of my sister’s first baby. My sister’s mother-in-law shared that story about Shannon and her Aunt Florence. In situations like this one, I used to say, “Oh, what a coincidence!”
Unless you have been under a rock for the last 18 months, you have probably heard of "The Secret" DVD and/or book."Based on sales, The Secret was by far your favorite DVD of the year [2007], marking the first time in our history that something other than a movie or TV show was the number one bestseller."
(Source: Amazon.com)
At its peak, I would jokingly say to friends and family, “Did you know that “Happy Feet” is currently the #2 bestselling DVD on Amazon.com?” They would of course ask, “So what’s #1?”
So what is The Secret? The Secret is The Universal Law of Attraction. In a few words:
Thoughts become things
Like attracts like
Where attention goes, energy flows
What we focus upon, expands
For years we've been calling it many things:
Serendipity
Small world
Irony
Luck
Coincidence
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
It seems that most people believe that they are at the affect of the world. How would you like to, instead, know that you could affect your world? Could we have more control over our life experience than we know? If you are a student of The Law of Attraction, the answer is yes. Sound too good to be true? It shouldn’t – there is proof all around us. Have you ever been thinking of a person…and then the phone rings…and it’s that person? Have you ever been talking about someone you haven’t seen or heard from in a while…and then you run into him or her at the store? Do you, or someone you know, always get the best parking spaces? Do you know someone that was given two weeks to live…two years ago? Know much about the Placebo Effect?
Since The Universe does not discriminate, negative experiences are also available for those who choose them, consciously or unconsciously. Many of these people don’t even realize they are choosing them. Remember, where attention goes, energy flows. Lots of people go through life talking about what they don’t want:
I don’t want to be sick!
I don’t want to be broke!
I don’t want to be in an unhappy relationship!
I don’t want to be in job I hate!
What are our thoughts and feelings when we shout “No!” at something? Where is the focus? What are we giving our attention to? – The very thing that we do not want. Instead of pushing it away, we are bringing it closer.
“One who is mostly an observer thrives in good times but suffers in bad times because what he is observing is already vibrating, and as he observes it, he includes it in his vibrational countenance. As he includes it, the Universe accepts that as his point of attraction and gives him more of it. So the better it gets the better it gets. Or the worse it gets the worse it gets. While one who is a visionary thrives in all times.”
(Source: Excerpted from an Abraham-Hicks workshop in Portland, OR on Tuesday, June 10th, 1997)
More than the power of positive thinking, The Law of Attraction is about the power of positive feeling. This is where many people miss it. I’ll hear them say, “I’ve been thinking about earning $100,000 for a very long time and it still hasn’t happened!” How do you suppose that person is allowing himself to feel? Has he allowed himself to experience the feelings of a top earner? Or, is there self-doubt, resignation and defeat beneath the surface…even if only deep down?
The Law of Attraction is very much about expectancy. What are you expecting from each day…each event…each relationship? We usually experience what we are expecting to experience.
Ask anyone who has had great success in any area of their life, about their path to success, and they will almost always tell you:
“I knew that I would be here.”
“I visualized this place.”
“I allowed myself to feel as if it had all already happened.”
Ask someone who has had great failure in an area of his or her life, about their path to failure, and they will almost always tell you:
“I knew that I would be here.”
“I visualized this place.”
“I allowed myself to feel as if it had all already happened.”
Interesting, huh?
Still skeptical? Trying to apply science to it all? Take a look around you, at people you know. Do some people just seem to have all the “luck.” Can luck be scientifically explained? For that matter, can we use science to understand serendipity, irony, coincidence or self-fulfilling prophecies?
Shannon’s Great Aunt Florence, when she was living, had the ability to sense when a woman was pregnant. Aunt Florence could also sense the sex of the child with 100% accuracy. When Shannon was pregnant with her fourth child, she thought to herself one day, “I wish Aunt Florence was here to tell me if number four was to be a boy or a girl.” That very day, while shopping at Target, a man approached Shannon and asked if she wouldn’t mind him telling her the sex of her child. He, too, had that unique ability and did not know Shannon before that moment.
When I was asked to write about The Law of Attraction yesterday, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be neat if someone shared a story with me that I could include in this article? A story that could illustrate The Law of Attraction…in action.” This morning, family surrounded me in the hospital waiting room as we awaited the arrival of my sister’s first baby. My sister’s mother-in-law shared that story about Shannon and her Aunt Florence. In situations like this one, I used to say, “Oh, what a coincidence!”
Unless you have been under a rock for the last 18 months, you have probably heard of "The Secret" DVD and/or book."Based on sales, The Secret was by far your favorite DVD of the year [2007], marking the first time in our history that something other than a movie or TV show was the number one bestseller."
(Source: Amazon.com)
At its peak, I would jokingly say to friends and family, “Did you know that “Happy Feet” is currently the #2 bestselling DVD on Amazon.com?” They would of course ask, “So what’s #1?”
So what is The Secret? The Secret is The Universal Law of Attraction. In a few words:
Thoughts become things
Like attracts like
Where attention goes, energy flows
What we focus upon, expands
For years we've been calling it many things:
Serendipity
Small world
Irony
Luck
Coincidence
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
It seems that most people believe that they are at the affect of the world. How would you like to, instead, know that you could affect your world? Could we have more control over our life experience than we know? If you are a student of The Law of Attraction, the answer is yes. Sound too good to be true? It shouldn’t – there is proof all around us. Have you ever been thinking of a person…and then the phone rings…and it’s that person? Have you ever been talking about someone you haven’t seen or heard from in a while…and then you run into him or her at the store? Do you, or someone you know, always get the best parking spaces? Do you know someone that was given two weeks to live…two years ago? Know much about the Placebo Effect?
Since The Universe does not discriminate, negative experiences are also available for those who choose them, consciously or unconsciously. Many of these people don’t even realize they are choosing them. Remember, where attention goes, energy flows. Lots of people go through life talking about what they don’t want:
I don’t want to be sick!
I don’t want to be broke!
I don’t want to be in an unhappy relationship!
I don’t want to be in job I hate!
What are our thoughts and feelings when we shout “No!” at something? Where is the focus? What are we giving our attention to? – The very thing that we do not want. Instead of pushing it away, we are bringing it closer.
“One who is mostly an observer thrives in good times but suffers in bad times because what he is observing is already vibrating, and as he observes it, he includes it in his vibrational countenance. As he includes it, the Universe accepts that as his point of attraction and gives him more of it. So the better it gets the better it gets. Or the worse it gets the worse it gets. While one who is a visionary thrives in all times.”
(Source: Excerpted from an Abraham-Hicks workshop in Portland, OR on Tuesday, June 10th, 1997)
More than the power of positive thinking, The Law of Attraction is about the power of positive feeling. This is where many people miss it. I’ll hear them say, “I’ve been thinking about earning $100,000 for a very long time and it still hasn’t happened!” How do you suppose that person is allowing himself to feel? Has he allowed himself to experience the feelings of a top earner? Or, is there self-doubt, resignation and defeat beneath the surface…even if only deep down?
The Law of Attraction is very much about expectancy. What are you expecting from each day…each event…each relationship? We usually experience what we are expecting to experience.
Ask anyone who has had great success in any area of their life, about their path to success, and they will almost always tell you:
“I knew that I would be here.”
“I visualized this place.”
“I allowed myself to feel as if it had all already happened.”
Ask someone who has had great failure in an area of his or her life, about their path to failure, and they will almost always tell you:
“I knew that I would be here.”
“I visualized this place.”
“I allowed myself to feel as if it had all already happened.”
Interesting, huh?
Still skeptical? Trying to apply science to it all? Take a look around you, at people you know. Do some people just seem to have all the “luck.” Can luck be scientifically explained? For that matter, can we use science to understand serendipity, irony, coincidence or self-fulfilling prophecies?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
"Move the bitch forward"
I watched the end of the Westminster Dog Show last night. And the ONLY reason I watched, was to see the Beagle win "Best in Show" for the first time EVER! And if you didn't know, I am the proud owner of a two year old pure bred Beagle named Camden!
So The Prince and I were watching the Dog Show at our respective homes and TEXTING EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT. At one point I actually had to tell myself, "You aren't a loser. I'm sure there are a lot of people watching sixty year old women run around in pink gowns and hideous shoes while a judge touches their dogs hindquarters."
Ew.
At one point, the judge lined up the working dogs, pointed to the Great Dane and said, "Move the bitch forward."
And I thought, finally, a little excitment. Shit's about to go down.
So The Prince and I were watching the Dog Show at our respective homes and TEXTING EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT. At one point I actually had to tell myself, "You aren't a loser. I'm sure there are a lot of people watching sixty year old women run around in pink gowns and hideous shoes while a judge touches their dogs hindquarters."
Ew.
At one point, the judge lined up the working dogs, pointed to the Great Dane and said, "Move the bitch forward."
And I thought, finally, a little excitment. Shit's about to go down.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Late night
It's 8:30pm and I'm still at work- we're finishing up two deals.
It's cold as...well...Canada outside and that got me thinking about the homeless guys that live in the woods behind our lot. Seriously. There are four or five of them. Bruce is the one I see the most. He always says hi, waves, and tells me to have a good day. Everyone tells me to be careful around them- but I've never been afraid. I won't be trudging into their colony in the woods, but I'm not afraid. Have you ever gotten the sense that someone is good? You know, that gut feeling that they mean you no harm, that inside of them is a genuine soul? That's how I feel about these guys.
I want to ask them how they became homeless- did they lose their jobs? Divorce? Veterans? But I feel like that would be rude. There must be a homeless code of honor or something. I don't really know. Having never been homeless (thank God), I think about them a lot, especially in this bitterly cold weather. How do they stay warm? How do they eat? What's with all those beer bottles and condom wrappers I find on the lot? Drunken, safe sex? Awesome.
I say hi to them always- and I want to offer food and money -but does that help? Hinder? I don't know.
What I do know is this, I feel something every time I see Bruce, bundled up in rags, donated coats and anything he can find. I feel a pull inside my stomach. Something that makes me grateful for everything I have. Something that makes me realize that when I complain, I'm complaining from a warm house, a full belly, and a future. My complaints may seem big in the moment, but in comparison, they are so very trivial.
Conversation between Bruce and I:
Me: Sir are you in the market for a new vehicle?
(Bruce strokes his long grey beard and ponders my question)
Bruce: Yes ma'am, how much for this one?
(he asks, pointing at the Mercedes C-280.)
Me: fine choice sir, that one is only $1.00
Bruce: THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY! I'm taking my business elswhere!
Me: (turning myself inside out with laughter)
Bruce: (smiles wide, showing me his 4 teeth proudly)
Bruce: Have a nice day ma'am!
Me: You too Bruce, you too
It's cold as...well...Canada outside and that got me thinking about the homeless guys that live in the woods behind our lot. Seriously. There are four or five of them. Bruce is the one I see the most. He always says hi, waves, and tells me to have a good day. Everyone tells me to be careful around them- but I've never been afraid. I won't be trudging into their colony in the woods, but I'm not afraid. Have you ever gotten the sense that someone is good? You know, that gut feeling that they mean you no harm, that inside of them is a genuine soul? That's how I feel about these guys.
I want to ask them how they became homeless- did they lose their jobs? Divorce? Veterans? But I feel like that would be rude. There must be a homeless code of honor or something. I don't really know. Having never been homeless (thank God), I think about them a lot, especially in this bitterly cold weather. How do they stay warm? How do they eat? What's with all those beer bottles and condom wrappers I find on the lot? Drunken, safe sex? Awesome.
I say hi to them always- and I want to offer food and money -but does that help? Hinder? I don't know.
What I do know is this, I feel something every time I see Bruce, bundled up in rags, donated coats and anything he can find. I feel a pull inside my stomach. Something that makes me grateful for everything I have. Something that makes me realize that when I complain, I'm complaining from a warm house, a full belly, and a future. My complaints may seem big in the moment, but in comparison, they are so very trivial.
Conversation between Bruce and I:
Me: Sir are you in the market for a new vehicle?
(Bruce strokes his long grey beard and ponders my question)
Bruce: Yes ma'am, how much for this one?
(he asks, pointing at the Mercedes C-280.)
Me: fine choice sir, that one is only $1.00
Bruce: THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY! I'm taking my business elswhere!
Me: (turning myself inside out with laughter)
Bruce: (smiles wide, showing me his 4 teeth proudly)
Bruce: Have a nice day ma'am!
Me: You too Bruce, you too
Friday, February 8, 2008
Faith
I've been thinking a lot lately about my personal faith. I was raised Catholic because my Mother was Catholic. My father liked to tell people that he was raised by hill people and was a heathen. (can you see why I never had a chance at being normal?)
My Mother made sure that my brother and I attended church and CCD classes and followed the sacraments up to confirmation (which in the Catholic church, means that once you are confirmed you are then a part of the church as an "adult") After confirmation we were allowed to choose between staying a part of the church or opting out of organized Catholic religion.
I bolted through the church doors directly into the waiting arms of Satan. Sweet sin how I missed thee.
I chose to leave the church because it was boring. I know it sounds juvenile, but I was 12 and needed to watch Full House, paint my nails and discuss the finer details of my crush on the boy of who kinda sorta brushed my butt with his hand. I didn't have time to hear about how Jesus made the blind see- how did that help ME?
I don't regret leaving the Catholic church. I didn't see its relevance in every day life.
But. I have a strong faith. It's my personal relationship with God. I talk to him. I ask him for help and guidance. I beleive that he, she, or it is capable of miracles. But mostly, I believe that it is my, our, hard work, determination and free will that makes the difference.
We're faced with choices everyday. Some are clear cut, good and bad. More often though we live in gray areas. Our lives are cloudy, our decisions often the choice between two evils. The murky waters make good decisions all the more important. I'm trying something new these days. In every situation, I pause and think "What would Spongebob do?" Because really, my goal these days is to have fun, make good choices, not hold grudges and remember that we only get one shot at this life. Why not make it the best we can?
So my question to you is: What do you believe in?
My Mother made sure that my brother and I attended church and CCD classes and followed the sacraments up to confirmation (which in the Catholic church, means that once you are confirmed you are then a part of the church as an "adult") After confirmation we were allowed to choose between staying a part of the church or opting out of organized Catholic religion.
I bolted through the church doors directly into the waiting arms of Satan. Sweet sin how I missed thee.
I chose to leave the church because it was boring. I know it sounds juvenile, but I was 12 and needed to watch Full House, paint my nails and discuss the finer details of my crush on the boy of who kinda sorta brushed my butt with his hand. I didn't have time to hear about how Jesus made the blind see- how did that help ME?
I don't regret leaving the Catholic church. I didn't see its relevance in every day life.
But. I have a strong faith. It's my personal relationship with God. I talk to him. I ask him for help and guidance. I beleive that he, she, or it is capable of miracles. But mostly, I believe that it is my, our, hard work, determination and free will that makes the difference.
We're faced with choices everyday. Some are clear cut, good and bad. More often though we live in gray areas. Our lives are cloudy, our decisions often the choice between two evils. The murky waters make good decisions all the more important. I'm trying something new these days. In every situation, I pause and think "What would Spongebob do?" Because really, my goal these days is to have fun, make good choices, not hold grudges and remember that we only get one shot at this life. Why not make it the best we can?
So my question to you is: What do you believe in?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
To the woman in Safeway
Dear Angry Woman:
Suck an egg! But more appropriately, what on Earth was your problem?
I'll explain. Last night on my way home from work I stopped by the Safeway near my house to pick up a few essentials, toilet paper, milk, double fudge brownies, you know, the things I would need MOST in case aliens invaded and I was unable to leave my closet for weeks. As I pushed my squeaky wheeled shopping cart down the paper products aisle, my cell phone began to vibrate somewhere in the depths of my purse.
Normally, I'm not a "talk on the cell phone in public because I'm soooo important" kind of person, but it was a client I needed to speak with and hadn't been able to get ahold of. So I paused in Aisle 7, right by the Bounty paper towels and picked up. As I greeted Mr.Customer, angry lady came towards me in the aisle staring directly at me, her eyes widening as she honed in on my cell phone. Now, I'm a loud talker, I admit it, but I was trying to be discreet (especially as I'm soliciting personal information from my client such as credit history!) Angry woman was now standing directly in front of me and POINTING AT MY PHONE as if to say YOU, YOU THERE WITH THE ELECTRONIC DEVICE, YOU MUST DIE.
She pushed her cart past mine and as luck would have it, we ran into each other every aisle after that and each time we did, I'd dig out my cell phone and pretend to have some ridiculous conversation:
"Herpes?Really? I think that's just a pill though. Piece of cake."
"Yeah, he's NOT the father. Hey, if Maury Povich says so, IT HAS TO BE TRUE!"
"I don't think shoplifting is a crime if you REALLY want something and just can't afford it."
"No, I really think the left one is bigger than the right. It's like I'm a B-Cup here, and a C-Cup there- I'll let you feel them the next time we hang out."
Suck an egg! But more appropriately, what on Earth was your problem?
I'll explain. Last night on my way home from work I stopped by the Safeway near my house to pick up a few essentials, toilet paper, milk, double fudge brownies, you know, the things I would need MOST in case aliens invaded and I was unable to leave my closet for weeks. As I pushed my squeaky wheeled shopping cart down the paper products aisle, my cell phone began to vibrate somewhere in the depths of my purse.
Normally, I'm not a "talk on the cell phone in public because I'm soooo important" kind of person, but it was a client I needed to speak with and hadn't been able to get ahold of. So I paused in Aisle 7, right by the Bounty paper towels and picked up. As I greeted Mr.Customer, angry lady came towards me in the aisle staring directly at me, her eyes widening as she honed in on my cell phone. Now, I'm a loud talker, I admit it, but I was trying to be discreet (especially as I'm soliciting personal information from my client such as credit history!) Angry woman was now standing directly in front of me and POINTING AT MY PHONE as if to say YOU, YOU THERE WITH THE ELECTRONIC DEVICE, YOU MUST DIE.
She pushed her cart past mine and as luck would have it, we ran into each other every aisle after that and each time we did, I'd dig out my cell phone and pretend to have some ridiculous conversation:
"Herpes?Really? I think that's just a pill though. Piece of cake."
"Yeah, he's NOT the father. Hey, if Maury Povich says so, IT HAS TO BE TRUE!"
"I don't think shoplifting is a crime if you REALLY want something and just can't afford it."
"No, I really think the left one is bigger than the right. It's like I'm a B-Cup here, and a C-Cup there- I'll let you feel them the next time we hang out."
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Oodles of Updates!
Hi people. For those 3 or 4 of you who read my blog in the past, I'm back! I know your life was empty and meaningless without me. It was a dark time for you!! Ok enough of that. Yeah, so I stopped being lazy and decided to start a new blog and welcome with open arms anyone with enough free time to read the crap that I post!
I'm currently at work and for the sake of my job security we'll be referring to my job as "The Place I have to go everyday or else I won't be able to eat candy for breakfast and floss my teeth with hundred dollar bills," because that is long, obnoxious and completely untrue. For short I'll refer to it as: Canada (shout out to my girls).
For those of you who know me you know that I have a sweet boyfriend who will be referred to on here as The Prince, because for five years now that's what I've called him and he has truly lived up to the title. No white horse yet, but I'm working on it.
I live in Maryland and count myself lucky to be here, able-bodied, mildly successful, and full of spit and vinegar. I'll start posting regularly tomorrow.
I'm currently at work and for the sake of my job security we'll be referring to my job as "The Place I have to go everyday or else I won't be able to eat candy for breakfast and floss my teeth with hundred dollar bills," because that is long, obnoxious and completely untrue. For short I'll refer to it as: Canada (shout out to my girls).
For those of you who know me you know that I have a sweet boyfriend who will be referred to on here as The Prince, because for five years now that's what I've called him and he has truly lived up to the title. No white horse yet, but I'm working on it.
I live in Maryland and count myself lucky to be here, able-bodied, mildly successful, and full of spit and vinegar. I'll start posting regularly tomorrow.
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